THE LADDER BEFORE MARRIAGE

It all started on a hot Sunday morning when Frances slumped and was rushed to the hospital. She was examined but the doctor said there was nothing wrong with her, that she was fine. Her blood pressure was cool and that she only needed to rest. 

Deep within Frances she knew in her heart of hearts that she had no internal peace. She knew she was passing through a hard time which no one felt but her. She was aware of the fact that she needed to leave but the problem was "how do I leave?"

Marriage is and will always remain the most precious but challenging gift to humanity. It's a choice you make -- not just on your wedding day, but over and over again.  It's something you'll enjoy for a life time if you let loose your mind to tell yourself the truth as well as something you'll regret for a life time if you choose to lie to yourself.

We are usually more interested in the wedding attire -- The colourful suit and flowing gown, the wonderful ashebi looks, the crowd to cheer you up, the amazing cake to cut with everyone shouting "J-E-S-U-S....Jesussssss" as the per knife goes down the throat of the cake, the money spraying, the "congratulation"compliments and for the ladies, the sparkling wedding ring and constant flaunting of your hands.... Until after the wedding night.

At this juncture, it now dawns on you that you are married; not  a relationship where you opt  in and out any day and any time you wish.
Right now you both are still glued to calling each other "honey pie" and "baby".

Flash forward to 3 months after the marriage. The woman is now seeing attitudes she didn't see while courting and the man is also seeing attitudes he thought she had dropped while courting. 

Gradually your beginning to have slight quarrels and misunderstanding every now and then. Slowly it begins to bore you whenever you remember your done with work and need to go home to your honey pie/baby.

After a little while the "inside house" misunderstanding now turns to be an "open" quarrel because at this point you both can no longer settle things within yourselves, and in no little time,the man terms his baby "a nagging woman" and the woman terms her honey pie " a cheat and quarrelsome man"

This continues to linger to a point where love, intimacy and friendship no longer exist between them. They begin to feel like strangers around each other.

THE GREAT QUESTION IS: HOW DID IT START AND WHOM DO YOU BLAME? THE HONEY PIE OR THE BABY?

One thing is getting married in a hurry and another thing is pushing out of it in a hurry!

For the singles who are yet to be married, listen up! Marriage is not as sweet as you see it physically. It is a great self experience that most times never end till death. Often times you see couples and your like...'oh my God! This two are sweet together, they look so pretty... mehn! Am in love with this couple...in fact I can't wait to get married"
Off course you can't wait because you think it's sweet and delicious??? 

It's true that there is no marriage without a cross, but don't bite off more than you can chew.
In as much there are sweet and loving marriages, they still have a dark side. But the only reason they still seem fabulous together after all said and done is " COMPATIBILITY"

The word "compatibility" here refers to the ability of two DISTINCT  persons to exist or live together without conflict.
  We keep claiming to be madly in love with a person. But then what is love without compatibility???

Don't ever ever hope to change your partner for the future but you may accept to tolerate some habits knowing no one was created perfect.

Compatibility between couples relate to every aspect of their lives. That is to say you must agree spiritually, physically and mentally.
He/she should believe in what you believe. Not when you are a stunt Christian and his just a shallow Christian who dislikes anything about church or seeing smoking and keeping late nights as immoral while to him its nothing.
If you are a staunch Christian,he should also be the same. If you think smoking is immoral,he should also think the same way.

Trust me!  It could be quite dangerous having a wife/husband that hates the very thing you like and likes the very thing you hate. The one thing you shouldn't try to compromise in your choice of a life partner is your "likes and dislikes" because that's where your happiness/sadness lies.
   So being married to a man or woman who's a totally different person from yourself could be extremely challenging because you would have to quarrel and misquote yourselves every now and then. It wouldn't be easy at all.

Don't ever try to push a relationship so hard; trying to make it work by all means when you know in the deepest part of your heart that it's not just flowing.

For a happy marriage there has to be more than a passionate love. There must be a genuine liking for each other which is "friendship" - the foundation of a happy marriage.
Remember--- it is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.

To the single and searching,  please stop choosing a life partner on the basis of the so called feeling of "love".  Start using your instinct(spiritual voice)  to make choices of a life partner--- the secret of a happy marriage is finding the right person.
Don't marry a person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without.

Young men -- Prepare yourself financially before committing to marriage because I realise that finance is another major problem in marriages. Be sure that you can comfortably provide for yourself first before bringing in a woman to live with you. Be sure to have decided on how to allocate your earnings with your wife, mum and siblings so that you don't have problems catering for each of them.

In the end, pray earnestly and commit your partner to God. Often times we think we made the perfect choice, unknowing to us that he/she isn't our better half and then end up having miserable days on earth.

Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife.
There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship or communion than a good marriage.