MY ORIGIN MY PRIDE

Sounds of laughter went round funke's house that Friday morning as her younger brother argued over his brand new wrist  watch that funke wore to her school party since the  previous term and hasn't returned it -- saying,  she still intends wearing it for the  inter-house sports week after which she would return it.

 Unfortunately the evening turned sour  as funke fell ill. It rained heavily that evening till the next day, leaving the entire house flooded.

The following morning, the report of Funke's illness was brought to the principal's desk.  So after school that hot afternoon, we all matched down to her   house. Some were gisting,  some were grumbling  (especially those who weren't close to her) wondering why they should pay her a visit when they don't even talk,  while others  were engaged in serious gossip. Finally the long talks came to an end as we arrived Funke's gate after  much questioning trying to locate the exact house.

The head boy knocked and her brother came to welcome us shouting "senior welcome to our house". First we were amazed because the house didn't seem like the one Funke described to us. "She said her house was a big mansion - 2storey building , with high security gates, and trees planted in and outside the compound".  We began murmuring  as the class prefect called the small boy and asked if he is Funke's cousin. The boy stared at him for some moments feeling confused.  Finally he answered .... No! This is our house!  You think am lying? Okay na, if you even come inside you'll see our family pictures on the wall and table...then you'll know am not lying. 

At this point we still weren't satisfied until we met Funke's mum sitting on a plastic stool beside the front door. So we  greeted her  and asked to see Funke.
After some minutes she showed up and all of a sudden we heard a girl from behind( her rival in class) shouting...Hmmmmm.... Fuuunnnnkeeee!  Hey! Funke oooo ... I thought you said your house is like governor's lodge? It was so embarrassing and humiliating.  Funke was just  quiet, feeling so ashamed of herself and  never came back to our school after she recovered.

Often times we end up living a fake life trying to please the world, thinking the world even cares. You forget that real people don't have time to  notice you because they are too busy thinking of their own  problems.  Its unfortunate how one suddenly grows  up to forget his  root - who you  really are.  

You   begin to live unreasonably while  your parents still live  in a shabby house, your younger siblings are chased from school everyday because they can't pay their school fees, worst of all your family can't feed 2square meal...and you're spending extravagantly - misusing the little fund you manage to get, instead of using it to empower yourself so that you can be of help no matter how little to your family, No!  You  rather prefer to spend on clothes, shoes, bags, accessories, evening outing, drinking, birthday parties and  the host of others.

To crown it all, some come on social platforms to flaunt "please borrow me" shoes, cars, hand bags, clothes, sunshade, etc just to convince  the world   that they are classy. Some go out on dates  pretending to be who they are not. But in the end, who is deceiving who? Who is actually  the fool? Thousands of ladies  do this on daily basis  thinking its smartness.

It's a pity that our  social  platforms have  been messed up and as such, lost its authenticity.

Again, as a student, you can't be flaunting  cars  around school, clubbing every Friday, going shopping every weekend and attending lectures whenever  you wish with Sandra whose parents are well to do. Who receives pocket money every 2weeks,  has never tasted poverty -- one who was  born rich!  Whose parents had already secured a job for  in an  oil company, waiting for her to graduate so  she can start working there or  had already prepared a visa for her to live in the US after school. And  above all, one who knows her source of income; rather than you who's parents look up to- expecting you to train your younger  siblings, buy a car for them and  build a family house both in the city and in the village. Worst of all, you who is training yourself in the university, knowing how you struggle before you get one naira and how much insults you receive  before getting  help.

Don't get it twisted! I am not of the  opinion nor  the class of people that says  one should mingle with only those of the same financial  background  or not mingle with the high class either. But my point  is this -- If at all you must mingle with one whose wealthy background is 10times higher than yours, and so doesn't know what it means to struggle for survival, then you should do so with reasoning!  

Instead of associating with Sandra for just fun, why not get her involved to host a program with you, then you can use her influence to pull dignitaries to the event and make cool cash. 

Seriously, you'll never realise what you're doing to yourself going for  parties every weekend, when you know how you manage to get a kobo,  until the day you graduate and path ways or the day she leaves that vicinity or work place to reside somewhere else -  that is the day you'll realise where you came from. 

By then  it may be too late because you didn't use that opportunity well. The future of many has  been shattered because of this reason of not knowing your root, especially in the university life.

A  girl whose parents can't afford 2square meal living like a queen  and a young man riding cars to lectures, telling girls his mother is a commissioner, buying launch for them, taking them out every weekend,  has 30inches plasma in his room.... Living like a king, yet his mum is struggling to pay his siblings school fees. After all the pretence who are you deceiving?  Or do you think those friends of yours will last forever? 

Of course someday you will be done with school and you will have no other option than to report back home. Then your suffering will continue from where it stopped because you can't run away from it.
Some students don't even go home during long vacation. Use your head! If you're the son of a palm wine tapper, be proud of it and live according to your means. Stop trying to fake your life for someone  who will not even matter in the end, people who  will only be there for few years. 

Stop living a pretentious life for someone you don't even know if he is  going to  die the next minute and you're there trying to impress him/her. If as a student you're opportune to be close friends with the ministers son/daughter,  you can get him/her to invest in your life - not necessarily  by giving you money but you can use his  influence to organize programs,  sale a product or start up a joint business instead of going clubbing, riding cars around  school, hosting birthday parties  claiming big boy/big girl in campus when you know you're not actually a big girl/boy.

Its true that if we were all given clay to mould our lives the way we want it to look like, everybody without exception will choose to be wealthy. But for the fact that you weren't given such opportunity and  have come to meet yourself in such state,  learn to acknowledge and  appreciate who are you; no matter the present situation. Even if you're the poorest of them  all, be proud of it and live according to your means while you work hard to improve.

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WHY GET SEXUALLY INVOLVED WITH SOME DUDE YOU HAVE NO FUTURE WITH

Its an undeniable fact that we have transformed seduction into an art form. Of course sexual immorality is nothing new as it now reaches into every African home. Innocence is becoming a quaint concept with  children and teenagers exposed to immoral seduction. In fact sexual immorality has become a norm! Any teenage girl that is not involved in "flirting"  is seen as a "Jew girl"... She feels life has not started. Indeed every  day seems to bring a newly celebrated opportunity for further immortality because we now live in a culture where sex sells everything.

The one thing that marvels me is how girls - teenagers at that , "do the sex act with" different men -- men old enough to be their father. Men they obviously know  nothing can happen  between them. I realise that 99% of modern day adults see sex as nothing! To them, it's just a 5minutes bed dance of a man putting something long in the form flesh into her and bringing it out again.. Its amazing how and where such thought emanated from.

And  I keep asking..... When did sexual immorality become a norm in the society?  that a girl must sleep with not less than 10 -15 men before marriage.

If only our young girls could  understand that sex is not a physical connection but a spiritual bond,   and even beyond,  they wouldn't be messing around with men who have no future  plans for them.
  I don't know, but maybe  you think you're too  young to be coordinated, but I am pleased to let you know that "morality"  has no age limit. Or maybe you think its a way of enjoying your youthful age.  To  you, you call it fun!  Yeah... you're having fun now, but someday  you'll pay for the damage  you caused your future today.

Its unfortunate  you have no one to advice you or scold you,  but at some point in life, you need to call yourself to order knowing that you aren't getting any younger. Incredibly, many  parents have proven unwilling to take this challenge seriously.

Let's play a puzzle ---  Have you ever imagined if your husband to be  happens to be a brother  to one of the men you throw your body at every night?
Its so shameless, disgusting and demeaning how one could sleep with someone else's husband and stand right before his  wife forming friendship with her without remorse or guilty conscience.
So shameless to the extent you  sex a guy you have no atom of genuine feeling for just because you're broke!!!

Aren't you challenged when you see young girls like you  hustling to become somebody in life? Aren't you challenged when you see your fellow pretty  girls doing business to earn a living?
Why have sexual  inter course with a man you know fully well you wouldn't end up with??? Maybe you think you're playing smart but It is the way you carry yourself that you'll be addressed.
Don't think you can flirt as you wish at youthful age and expect to be great when you're older. You may be successful but not great because there is a great gap between greatness and success. I still go by that old saying...as you make your bed so you must  lie on it.

I know by now you would be wondering and saying to yourself "after all who virginity or morality help? Maybe it has not helped anybody, but it may help you. Or after all how many decent ladies are doing well? Maybe none are doing well, but you can make a difference."

If you have the will power to be great, start today to avoid sex with unknown people. You may not be married as a virgin, but try to avoid random sex, though sex before marriage isn't ideal.  Having sex with someone in a serious relationship, that is to say,  a defined relationship with at most 90% possibility of getting married is quite dignifying  but having sex with just any man you  come across, be it for money or whatever, is absurd.

Life is a game. Its only you who  knows how high you want to score after playing a game right?  So live like your life is dependent  on achieving that score if you actually want to get there.

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HOW DO YOU DEFINE FAILURE?

As any successful person will honestly admit, failure happens, and we've all had our fair share of it. Judging by  experience,  it seems that FAILURE tends   to be more public than success,  especially among teenagers.

 The word "FAILURE" has several definitions and therefore mean  different things  to different people. What I perceive to be failure may not be what my other neighbour perceives to be  failure.
As we all know,  "FAILURE" in its literal meaning is  the state or condition of not meeting a desirable or intended objective or an act of proving  unsuccessful.

But as for me, I have refused to agree with the above definition of failure. To me I think and believe that   failure is an opportunity to a new experience, another chance to  discover a much better and realistic  way of achieving my dreams, an opportunity to become more focused and committed  to making my dreams come true and most importantly, another opportunity to become a better person.

So how do YOU define failure? In your own words what does it  mean to fail? And how do you handle failure?

Do you think you've  failed because you tried   a million times but to no avail? Or have  sort  for help from several people but was turned down? Or because you've ventured into several businesses but none seemed  successful?
 Some people live and learn, and some only live. While failure can involve those negative thoughts and emotions, it can also make us stronger and wiser.

I know this may sound  too good to be true ... But do you believe that there are people who don't even for a second think they have failed even when situations hit them so hard and rub it in their face that they are a total mess?
Yes! Such  people exist,  and am one of them.
I remember few years ago, when I underwent severe trauma, it was like the end of the world . Everything around me was a total mess, yet, i refused to believe  that something had gone wrong  because I had always thought of myself in positive ways.

The power of the mind cannot be over emphasized.  Your mind is the most  powerful instrument you have. Therefore,  You are whom you think you are!
Most times, 75% of the things that happen  to us  are a result of our imaginations - imaginations that begun several years ago. What  you think of yourself  matters a lot! So be careful of your thoughts... It could be the reason you are not a success.

After much research and thinking, I came to discover that there are several reasons we fail, but the main  reason for  failure comes from an inner feeling of lack of self confidence - that is to say, we have little or no trust in our ability to succeed in specific situations. That feeling you get when you think that others are better than you. Always feeling you need  to lean on someone because you have concluded within you that you can't do it on your own and that if you do, you may not succeed.  WHO SAID YOU CAN'T DO IT? OR THAT YOU WONT SUCCEED? YOU CAN DO IT AND YOU CAN SUCCEED IF ONLY YOU WANT TO. REMEMBER ITS ALL ABOUT WHAT YOU THINK!

On some days, things don't go as planned. You either fall, fail or stumble. Sometimes when things aren't working as planned we feel  like the whole world has come to an end and we get so upset that we never even want to try again; but be sure of one thing - If you have never failed, then I don't think you can succeed.
      THE MAN WHO IS NEVER ANNOYED AT THE PLAN THAT FELL THROUGH, BUT TRIES TO DISCOVER AN OPPORTUNITY IN THAT LOSS, THAT MAN WILL BE GREAT!

Ken Robinson said - IF YOU'RE NOT PREPARED TO BE WRONG, YOU'LL NEVER COME UP WITH SOMETHING ORIGINAL.

Often times, we try to avoid failing and even fret it. The truth is - whether we like it or not, failure is a necessary stepping stone to our dreams. So the more you try to avoid failing,   the more you plan to fail. And the more you fear to fail, the more your dreams become impossible!
   Mind you, living cautiously doesn't and wouldn't  make you successful. In fact it leads  to greater doom! Embrace failure and always  be ready to accept whatever doesn't work because that's just the bitter idea behind success.

FAILURE IS SIMPLY AN OPPORTUNITY TO BEGIN AGAIN, THIS TIME MORE INTELLIGENTLY.    Henry ford

 Maybe you've made mistakes you think has destroyed your future and shattered your dreams but let me tell you something interesting today... You haven't made a mistake. The only mistake you've made is the one from  which you learnt nothing. It is that one that can shatter your dreams.
At some point in life, I came to discover that "the past" is another great reason for  failure.  Seriously,  a little thought about a miserable  past can take you to an early grave. So its much better to close the door on the past, although  It may be difficult to forget the mistakes but don't dwell on it. Don't let it take your time!
     
 The one truth you can't avoid Is the fact  that the road to success is hard. Its never easy nor smooth. Its always tough! Nevertheless, it is those hard and tough times that make up your success story. You never can tell...that your story when told some day, can  become someone else's turning  point in life.

The most important thing i have learned  is that failure is a part of a life well lived but how you look at and handle these negative situations can have a huge impact on your  life.
So always be happy  for those things that didn't work out because it gives you  another opportunity to learn a new way of doing the same thing you already did and greater chances  of making it work.
Finally, always have it at the back of your mind that  there is no such word as "impossible".  It only occurs in your mind. Take a step outside your mind and you'll see that everything is possible.

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THE HALF BAKED "NO JOB" 21ST CENTURY GRADUATES

Nigeria is the biggest black nation in Africa with over 30 million inhabitants. A  country blessed with natural resources and talented youths. But every year, not less than 400,000 graduates  emerge out of universities, polytechnics and colleges of education  with little or nothing to contribute to the society. That is to say - they come out half baked! And unable to defend their certificates. They  are the so called "first class, second class and third  class graduates"  yet,  complain of unemployment.

It is true that the bastardised Nigerian system of education has made us believe that being a graduate simply means "acquiring certificate". But I'll always be of the opinion that if you keep accusing  others for your  own stupidity, then you will never be wise.

We keep  criticizing  the 21st century lecturers for producing "schooled but uneducated  graduates". But how many students after classes go back to their hostels to study??? Instead, they are either laughing from one neighbour's room to another or watching movies on laptop.  Some of them pay little or no  attention during classes. They are either on Facebook, messenger or WhatsApp or watching  funny videos or even  thinking of something else while lecture is on going, then tomorrow the same student would say" I don't understand... In fact the lecturer cannot even teach".  My dear,  may God help you to understand since man cannot make you understand.  99% of this "so called students" only open their books during exam period.  I know of some students in the university who have special wears for evening stroll, that is to say -they must stroll  every evening. So tell me when and how such a student has time for his books or to develop himself or even think of promising ideas that can make the society better???

I have seen a law masters degree holder who can't make a simple sentence. This is  really appalling oo!  Now tell me, is it in the university you expect to learn  to read and write and express yourself???  We forget that the basic things that makes one educated are acquired  in  primary and secondary school. The higher institution, i say - is not cut out for all that! The  university is  made to help you improve in knowledge and attitude and not to teach you to pronounce words or spell them.

We keep complaining of unemployment when 99% of graduates  even render themselves jobless before graduating. You can imagine a chemistry student waiting for the government to provide  job for him, when he can use his  knowledge of chemistry to start up a plastic industry, paint industry or even a consuming industry. Instead of helping ourselves in the best possible way we can, we would rather prefer carrying "extra large files"  from one oil company to the other, and when your not granted the job, you turn  around to say "the government is not trying ". Just in case you don't know -it is not every course that requires job offer after school. Some courses were made to be  self-employed, in case you're still waiting for your ancestors to resurrect from the dead to  give you a job " Mr/Miss file carrier ".  You keep carrying file up and down as if to say your father planted an oil company somewhere in Nigeria. No ooooo! If your father actually planted an oil company somewhere in the country, I can even help you  fight the government to give you your share, but if not, just wake up from that your slumber with immediate alacrity.

You see a so called first class graduate who can't even write his application letter  nor speak fluently, and you went to school??? No! No! No!  You went to school??? Hahahaha... Oh my God!
OK, you can imagine a student scoring below 200 in jamb...saying "the exam was tough"  Did I just hear you say tough?? Weren't you  taught those things in school? Or did you not come across them in the text book?  Now who do you blame??? The lecturers??? If they teach you, will they also read your books  for you??  Oh! My friend don't be silly!

Maybe our lecturers contribute to the  poor academic system, but you that is reading this,  contribute even more to it. If you  continue to blame  lecturers for your  poor mentality, then be prepared  to be a nobody. And  In case you're still wondering why you're jobless, I am glad to let you know that YOU ARE THE REASON YOU'RE UNEMPLOYED.

Have you  ever imagined how "life after school" would have been If you had taken time over the years to develop yourself, not waiting for any lecturer or Vc? Don't you think you would have been able to start up something for yourself with the knowledge you acquired,  and safe yourself the stress of wandering with a big plastic file  from one office to another.

Its about time you realised  that being employed has less or nothing to do with your certificate.
So If after  4 -5 years of schooling and all you can boast of is just "a first class certificate" then you should be ready to remain unemployed until you can develop yourself beyond your degree.
In as much as its good to obtain the best degree, it is even best to be of the best personality.

Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school.       Albert Einstien

It is only by way of self development  that one can become  truly educated. Always make time for yourself each day, to think deep on those  areas of your life that needs to be improved.
Stop looking for a short cut to employment because those days of "short cut employment/poverty eradication" are gone.
The bitter truth is  - You're either helping yourself or no one is helping you!

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HOW SELF CONTROL CAN DESTROY YOU OR MAKE YOU BETTER

Talking of self control, Mastering  yourself is one of the hardest things to do, but the man who has himself in his own power is the most powerful man. Self discipline is the most challenging skill we all  want to achieve.

Thus, there are three types of self control usually associated with adults, which can be used in different circumstances depending upon the dimensions of the situation. 

1. Mental self control -  This is  concerned with  lack of proper thinking or reasoning (unable to understand another person's point of view)

2. Physical self control - A deficiency in this type of self control can cause you to make others your punch bag when infuriated.

3.  Emotional self control - This is concerned with the  inability to regulate one's behaviour in the face of temptations and impulses.

Learning to control oneself especially when it comes to dealing with emotions of  anger and depression is not  often easy. Sometimes you're pushed to the wall and want  to react but your ability to discipline yourself is the first step to achieving any goal. Its all about ruling yourself, subduing your passions and commanding yourself.

If you think you just want to wake up one morning to say "I have self control"...then it won't work, because self control comes with great commitment to one's actions and words - telling yourself " I won't say a word no matter how much am insulted".

Self control entails continuous training of the mind. Often times our inability to control our emotions stems from a lack of self regulation which negatively affects  our relationship with others, both at work and wherever and makes others  unable to trust our actions.

So here are 6 ways to mastering  self control:

1: Write down  the behaviour(s) you need to control - it may be difficult to work on all your behaviours at the same, so you can take them one after the other starting from the major one. Be sure to be realistic  and honest to yourself while doing this.

2: Self -regulation  - that is, being able to reduce the frequency  and  intensity of strong impulses. In fact,  self -regulation is what  makes self -control possible.

3: Learn to direct your thoughts properly, for those having issues of  mental self control by  not assuming you know the other persons intentions or perceive others as being unable to understand you. However you react to another mans statement or action is solely the decision of your mind. You're your own enemy! And you're your own friend! YOU HAVE POWER OVER YOUR MIND - YOUR WAY OF THINKING!

4: Whenever you feel upset and think you should react violently, try leaving that spot the drama is ongoing; possibly,  move outside to where you can see people. Try making a phone call to a loved one or to some funny friend. Watch your favorite TV show or any movie on your phone. Talk to yourself...say to yourself all the rude things you wanted to say to the other person. 

Switch off your phone and then  take a deep  sleep and most importantly, channel that burning anger to something productive. Say to yourself " instead of doing something that would help me become better, am here getting angry over someone else's stupidity". Then ask yourself " I said I want to control my emotions right, so why do I want to let this 5 minutes misunderstanding  destroy what I've spent time to build up?"

5:  Be committed to reading books that would help you develop self control, especially books on emotional intelligence.

6:  Most importantly, be committed to achieving your goal. Because if you aren't committed to changing those behaviours, then be sure to remain that way no matter how much your scolded, listen to motivational speakers or even read books. Remember - changing habits takes time, and building self control takes effort.

If you lack the ability to control your emotions then you will be controlled by others - your words and action will be determined by someone else. 

When you rule yourself, you rule your character. So the harder you try to develop self discipline, the prettier your attitude will become.

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WHY YOU DATED FOR YEARS BUT DIDN'T END UP TOGETHER

Yesterday, I caught myself talking to myself in the warm freezing weather; cruising from mind to brain. I consider  my factory of thought the most intriguing moment of my life that I never want to stop thinking. Sleeping all night was like the sun travelling to a distant  land that cost so much to return. It took years upon years before the sun finally appeared. It shined bright  like never before - oh! what an amazing Wednesday!

Walking  speedily to get a pair of slippers, a young man followed me in the same direction -- walking even faster to catch up with me. Thank God it was broad daylight else I feared for my life. After so many "hiiiiiiiii" and "helloooooo" coupled with an already cracked voice, I decided to give in to the "hiiiiiii" man.

We spoke for a couple of hours and then off I went to clean up the dishes.

After a long splendid day, my phone rang and at  the other end was the young man with the cracked voice.  He almost soaked my phone in tears as his voice sounded like a raging thunder.
After some time the casual friendship turned into an extraordinary one which  continued until that  fateful day when we came to realise we were just together for a reason --- There was something we needed to teach and learn  from each other  and we seemed to be the perfect persons for the job.
We were going to be cool and perfect as " just friends" but we were going to be worse if we ever got married.

Some relationships were just meant to help us become better. Research has it that love changes one to a large extent...it makes you different! It changes some nasty behaviours about you and gets you well equipped, so when the right one comes you wouldn't have to struggle to be with him.
So most times we get hooked up to get something out of it - not as if that is where we are meant to be.

Note : Those relationships that failed should be a lesson to you. There should be  something for you to learn from. Don't get into a new relationship being just  the same person you've always being and most importantly be careful not to repeat the mistakes of your former relationship in the new one, else you may end up never being happy with anyone.

Everything in life happens for a reason, either good or bad. But most times, the negative things that go on in our lives are usually for good. It is that  feeling that brings you to  great height.

It is certain that not all  relationships end in marriage but then do not leave in anger no matter how hurt you feel. Anything can happen at anytime and you can't be sure of what it is.

Often times, we end up with the wrong person because even when we saw the signs coming, we decided to ignore it  and kept forcing the relationship to work by all means probably to avoid what people might say or think.
Relationships are about two people not about  the attention two people can get by making others jealous or happy.

If at some point in your relationship you get a strong feeling that tells you "you need to leave"  then you just need to leave no matter how long you must have been with each other --- though It could be  quite  challenging, especially when you  already fixed your mind on him or her as your future spouse and you wake up one morning to rephrase it to "just a casual friend"
Relationships can be complicated and difficult. But few people know that there are some  pretty clear signals to know if a relationship is going to work or not.

Someone may want to ask - what if I love someone but he/she doesn't feel the same?
The truth is - If you truly come to meet your better half, there is always a clear difference with  a strong instinct. There is this deep conviction you both feel for each other. So if you're deeply in love with  someone  but he/she doesn't reciprocate that love, then you're with the wrong person. True love is not one sided.

I have come to realise that meeting a girl today, and dating her in a week time is not  ideal. I advice  you go through the friendship method. Be friends for at least a minimum of 6months before you think of dating in order to help you avoid random dates.
If you go through the friendship method -- i mean true and genuine friendship involving zero romance, you'll realise that there are some persons you shouldn't have dated at first.
However, during the  period of genuine friendship you begin to examine the person --knowing if he is  truly what you need, if you're both compatible, if there are  attitudes you can't tolerate, if she's a totally different person from who you are, if his religious beliefs are different from yours... Etc.

If after proper scrutiny, you feel that your significant other has it all and that he reciprocates  your love then go ahead and call it a date. But if not, it may just have to continue in friendship...and that saves you the cost of hopping from one man/woman  to another.

So I'll advice that Instead of concentrating on romance, try to be more focused on friendship. it is  the foundation on which the best   relationships grow and the secret to a long lasting relationship.

Although It's so great to find one special person you want to commit  the rest of your life to, but it's also not  about how long we've dated or how much we've shared in common -- its about  genuine  intimacy and compatibility.

That you dated him/her for 6years doesn't make him your better half, that he bought you lots of goodies doesn't also make him the right man for you or the fact that she cooks for you,washes your clothes, supports you financially, buy you gifts and takes care of you when your sick doesn't mean you're meant to be. Its just those things we ought  to do when we are in love.  It is  like a duty you owe your  partner. So don't get freaked out with the gifts and care.

 Don't  look at things from the surface but  from beyond and be careful not to be carried away by the fantasies of love.

It's safe and better to make all the mistakes, crack all the jokes and have all the fun while dating rather than in marriage.

So do not limit yourself. Go ahead and meet people. Mingle with them and date them if need be. It would help you have a larger experience about marriage and reduce the risk of divorce.

Be sure to be on  your best behavior with whom ever you meet. You may not know what tomorrow has in stock for you.

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THE HIDDEN TRUTH BEHIND ROMANCE

I sat all day in the shade trying to figure out what the most beautiful creature is. At first  I was confused, but after much thinking, I came to discover that it's women. Women make the world colourful. But it's very unfortunate that most women don't even realize how beautiful they are neither do they see the hidden power in them.

You know in those days it was believed that women belong to the kitchen. They were seen as core house wives. The only duty they performed as wife and mother was to clean the house, wash the plates, take the children to school, cook food and sometimes chip in little  ideas to her husband on family matters.

Like I always say ... We now live in an advanced  world where gender equality is no more a taboo.

The life of marriage back then is not the same as today. The way your husband addressed you in those days when you were jobless and always sitting at home is far different from the way he would address you now.

A woman shouldn't be a liability to her husband but a supporter. Off course it's his duty to provide for the family as well as your duty to support him, especially financially --- being fully aware of the so
much expenses that awaits your home.


Don't hope on your hubby to take care of you as well as your family, especially when your coming from an average or poor home where you have younger ones that still needs to be cared for, including your parents.

 Don't get it twisted! I am not saying the man shouldn't take charge of his responsibilities.  Of course he should buy your mum/siblings  some little stuffs from time to time but it shouldn't be like a  slave job imposed on him, rather It should be something he willingly accepts to do at his own time.    

So for this reason, you shouldn't just sit at home everyday watching telemundo or zee world, cook, bath - wear a sexy short nikar,  makeup and then wait  for  your "darling husband" the "Sacrificial lamb" to bring you money for your up keep and the rest. 

It is uncalled for to be lazy as a woman. 

In fact there are things you shouldn't even ask your husband for - like... Money for undies, makeups, clothing, hair do... Etc. 

Do something. Get busy!  No matter how little...just be sure your hands are busy with something. Don't let anyone make you feel inferior and don't limit yourself to what you think you can do. Just know that you can achieve whatever you set out your mind to do. It's all about determination and focus. 

Sometimes we hear stories like.... A certain man's business collapsed few years ago and up to now he has  not been able to stand to his feet. That's because his wife was just busy visiting friends day in day out and sleeping from couch to foam.  Now come to think of it... If his wife was working or trading as at then,would he fall? Off course No! And even if he falls, he will certainly rise in no time because he hasn't fallen completely.

What your hubby thinks of you determines to a large extent the way you'll be addressed. If he sees you as a lazy woman who can't fend for herself without him, he will definitely treat you that way. But if he sees you as a woman who can fend for herself without minding his wallet, he will respect and honor you. 

 Don't give any man the impression that you're just one dumb-ass who has no vision and focus for life. Rather, make him see you as a gallant woman to whom he can entrust  his properties ---- knowing you'll manage it even far better than himself. 

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Again, don't take part in hunting for a rich man to marry or date. But be a woman of substance who does her things herself -- an independent woman. So that when a man comes,  he will realize it's not the money you need but his love, loyalty, commitment, care and fidelity. In fact It would open up your eyes in making a  choice for a life partner .

Don't be in a rush to jump into your husband's house with just a certificate - a thick colourful paper  per say. Be patient and plan yourself properly. Be sure you're fully prepared mentally. Have something doing...maybe a skill or a good job that earns you something monthly. 

The bitter truth we don't want to hear is-- marriage without the wherewithal to sustain it can be extremely difficult and tiresome.

After your 1st and probably 2nd issue, you will realise that there is more to sustaining a marriage/relationship  than just romance.  A real woman avoids drama. 

Always work hard to be the best you can be and don't let anybody do for you what you can do for yourself; because if you do, you'll  owe him a favor and you wouldn't want to owe anyone.

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